June 16th, 2009 by admin

A man walks into his job and tells his best friend, man I’m constipated as hell I think I’m gonna have to go to the hospital.

His friend says ain’t that something you can take of over the counter like with some pepto or malox?

He says no man it’s to bad! So he goes to the hospital and the doctor says man your full of shit, I’m gonna have to give you a suppository!

The man says what’s that? The doctor says it’s these pellets I have to stick up your ass. So the man says do what you gotta do doc!

So he has the man bend over the table and he shoves the suppository up his ass. The man screams Oh! Shit!

The doctor says take the rest of these and have your wife give them to you. So the man gets home and says, baby I need you to give me these suppositories. I’ll bend over and you stick one up my ass.

So he bends over and she puts one hand on his shoulder and shoves it up his ass. He screams Oh! Shit! His wife says baby are you OK? He says, I just remembered the doctor had both hands on my shoulders!!!!!

May 15th, 2009 by admin

A guy walks into a bar with a Salmon under his arm and says, “Do you sell fish cakes here?”

Bartender: No we don’t.

Guy: That’s a shame, it’s his birthday.

Zing!

April 5th, 2009 by admin

Yo! Check out the new site for Gisele at www.camwithhergisele.com!!

A cowboy gets captured by Indians in the Old West. The tribal elders decided that he would be put to death for the white mans crimes against the Indians, but their Chief explained that their tribal law allowed him three requests before he was put to death.

“What is your first request?”, asks the Chief.

“I want to see my horse”, replies the cowboy.

The horse is brought the cowboy and he whispers something into it’s ear. The horse runs off into the sunset and returns with a beautiful blonde on his back. The cowboy shrugs, takes her into the bushes and has his way with her.

“What is your second request?”, asks the Chief.

“I’d like to see my horse again”, replies the cowboy.

Again he whispers into it’s ear, it runs off and this time returns with a gorgeous brunette. The cowboy shrugs, brings her into the bushes and has his way with her.

“And what is your final request?”, asks the Chief.

“I’d like to see my horse one last time.”, replied the cowboy.

The Chief grants the request and the horse is brought again. The cowboy smacks in the head and yells “I SAID BRING MY POSSE!!!!!”

February 20th, 2009 by admin

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he’s getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: “My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined.  No matter how long it’s at the panel beaters it’ll simply never be the same again!”

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust “I can’t believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,” he says. “You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.”

“How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, “Didn’t you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The Londoner looks down in horror “FUCKING HELL!” he screams…….

“Where’s my Rolex????…”

Joke, Porsche

February 3rd, 2009 by admin

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”

And a link for ya…

http://www.chickipedia.com/carmen-camwithher/photosgallery/

December 4th, 2008 by admin

This guy rides the same bus everyday. He admires the beauty of the nun who rides the same bus everyday.

The bus driver notices this and one day when the nun gets off at her usual stop, the bus driver calls him over and says, “I know how you can get her. Just dress up like a priest and put on a realistic mask so that she wont recognize you.

Then go to the grave where she prays every night and ask to fuck her in her ass, since its not against her beliefs.”

The man was excited to try this out. He went home and did just as the bus driver said. All dressed up and in his mask, he went to the graveyard of he church that night. Sure enough, the nun was kneeling and praying near a grave. He knelt down beside her and asked, “Sister, can I fuck you in your ass tonight?”

“I suppose father, since it isnt against our religion.” The guy takes her home and fucks the shit out of her ass. After he’s done, he takes off his mask and says “Ha! It’s me! the guy from the bus!”

The nun turns around and takes off her mask, “Ha! It’s me! The bus driver!!!”

Bus Ride, Joke

November 19th, 2008 by admin

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

November 16th, 2008 by admin

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WATER
My girl gets mad and I don’t even know water problem is!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BRIEF
My wife farted… bad, and I couldn’t brief.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM
When all my family gets in the car, there’s not mushroom .

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CHICKEN
My girl wanted me to go to the store, but chicken go by herself.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JULY
You told me you were goin’ to the store and July to me! Julyer!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WAFER
I wanted to go with my mom to the flea market but she didn’t wafer me!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HERPES
I have some cake to share with my wife- this is my piece and this is herpes.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: TISSUE
I told you if you didn’t know how to do it, I could tissue.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HARASSMENT
My old lady caught me in bed with my girlfriend so I said harassment nothing to me!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CASHEW
I was running after you but I couldn’t cashew!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BISHOP
We went out to the club and my old lady got drunk and fell down, so I had to pick the bishop!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JUICY
Hey, I’m going to eat Paco’s food, tell me if juicy him.

November 12th, 2008 by admin

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said.

“How much will you charge me?”

The blonde quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes .”

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. “You finished already?” the husband asked.

“Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats – no extra charge.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

“And by the way,” the blonde added … “It’s not a Porch, It’s an Audi.”